I am Enough

“I’m sitting here rocking Sister… She fell asleep while nursing. I was going to lay her down because I “have so much to do” but I just keep rocking. ‘One more minute’ I keep telling myself but I just keep rocking. I feel like I owe her cuddles and this quite time with me. It was so easy when it was just Brother; I could hold him for however long he needed or I wanted. Having two little ones I have to sacrifice times like these. Last night it took me almost two hours to get Sister to bed, she would fall asleep and then wake up when I would put her down. I had to put her down though because Brother was unattended in the living room. He needed my supervision and attention. I was back and forth for over an hour and a half. I cried for two hours after FINALLY getting both kids to bed. I felt like I wasn’t enough for them. Like I couldn’t be the mommy that they BOTH needed me to be. I couldn’t shake the negative thoughts out of my head. After tossing and turning I slowly fell asleep. I work up this morning to Brother coming into my room and saying “Hi mommy, up please”. He crawled into bed with me and Sister. All three of us laid there and cuddled. I was so at peace. I knew in that moment I was enough for them. I was/am the best mommy I can be for them. That moment washed away all my negative thoughts and open my eyes to realize a different side of it all. Yes, there are going to be crazy hard times, times I am going to feel like I can’t get through. But these times don’t last long at all. Children are only so tiny for so long. There’s going to be a time when Brother won’t wake me up with cuddles and a time when Sister doesn’t need to cosleep. All of this will be gone before I know it. I’m going to be thankful for the tough times because they make the good times that much more valuable. I love being a mommy of two, no it’s not always “perfect”… But isn’t that the whole point? I’m not perfect and I’m not going to be the perfect mom. I am however going to be ME and for that reason life as a mommy is a pretty awesome life. So I will keep rocking my sweet girl as she naps and I won’t care about anything I “have” to do today. This moment with her is amazing. Anything else can wait.”

jessicat

0
Comments

Any thoughts?

Copyright 2014-2019 Privacy Policy
Founded by Vanessa A. Simmons, CLEC, Photographer